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(This incident is almost true, only the times, places, names etc., have been changed to protect the guilty.) A Splatter of Fact! by
The TaleWagger Space Year: 3983 Galaxy: Voltair 240 Planet: DoDonia Place The Government Thought-wave Transmission Centre.
"Citizens of DoDonia, as Grand Supreme Lord High President of your Planetary Government, it is with mixed feeling that I am communicating with you. As you are aware, more than fifty generations of micro-mechanical, electro-cyberonic and futro-genetic engineers have devoted their working lives to saving our beloved race from extinction. This devotion has been channelled, by the Department for Extinction into the Structured Plan of Commitment for Space Year 3900, to produce us, the first generation of super-subminiature DoDonians. Machines have for many eons done all types of manual work, while bacto-computers have now replaced bio-computers that supplement our Communial Brain. Devoid of all unnecessary organs, bones and flesh we can survive on land or in water. Thanks to your Government's Skills Re-training Programme you now have no need to occupy a space larger than yourself. However with the estimated cataclysm now just 83 space years overdue we must all leave very soon. Our Governmental Space Agency scientists have located just one planet on which we can survive. This planet, in another galaxy, is almost ten space years away. We will send our most experienced inter-galactic space-crew there immediately, in our latest micro-miniaturised space pod. They will chart the course, then land and make contact with the inhabitants. They will employ the most sofisticated powers of mind manipulation to prepare their leaders for our arrival and then return for debriefing. This is our only chance! During their absence we will build the spaceship that will take all of us on this epic journey to a new life. You are the lucky ones, thanks to The Planetary Government of DoDonia! You are our future! Long live the People of DoDonia! ******************************** Space Year: 3993 (AD 2001) Galaxy: The Milky Way Planet: Earth Place Dover Harbour, England.
"Hello Boss, just phoning to let you know, I've left the ferry and I'm driving out of Dover Har..... Bloody Hell! Some giant bug-thing's just splattered itself all across my windscreen. What a mess! I've never seen anything like it before. Still it's dead-as-a-DoDo now! Ca la vie!"
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