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No More Monsters continued. Algebra, the monster that was consuming my summer and all that was a free spirit within me. I wasn't enjoying my children's time off of school, or visiting with my husband the few hours we have together in the evening. I was pouring my precious time on this math. The monster was robbing me of all that was meaningful. Was this monster overpowering me? How was I allowing this to become such a crisis? I've seen true problems in life. Life has dealt some tough blows. Like the time my stepfather spent the evening screaming and hitting my mother who was just returning to life, after surviving breast cancer. The time we flew my closest brother, the Marine, to the hospital to watch him melt away, and die. What about the time I got the call on Christmas morning that my twin sister's only child, a baby of less than three months, had just passed away, and me knowing I had to return to my own sons, twins who had arrived in our home just six months earlier? How could I face her, knowing she had just lost her beautiful son with me sitting here with TWO beautiful babies. Algebra, how could I be letting such a trivial challenge eat at me? I knew better. I can handle all life has dealt and have, with God's help, turned those cards around for good. It wasn't the subject, which was bothering me. It was the feeling of being out of control, being ran over, again, or having something I knew others have successfully mastered, beat me. I am better than that! I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Haven't I told my own children those very words, time and time again? Where is my faith? While laying there tossing and turning, trying to reason myself back into sleep, I attacked my monster from every angle. I threw things such as faith, confidence, and self-control at him, but, no matter how hard I tried, algebra was winning. I was not sleeping. The sun began to rise as I lay in bed. I finally began to remember all of the times Christ had pulled me through. Times his peace and comfort were real to me when I most needed it. The light began to fill the room. My body began to relax and sleep now dragged me down begging for me to remain longer. The stress, which had overwhelmed me just moments before, began to melt and was soon surrendered to the nothingness of slumber. When the sun rose and I finally forgot about it, the monster seemed to melt into a little bug. I still had to face it, just as the night before, but now it didn't seem to have power. Why is it in the middle of the night problems seem to be so huge and out of control? Why do sunlight and the dawn of a new day make such a difference? I slept out of pure exhaustion, then rose and faced my monster. I walked into class, prayed for help on each problem and gave my all to finding the correct answer. I came away with a cuts and bruises from the experience, but overall I did grow and I did conquer. I received a "C" in the class and never ever have to take algebra again. No longer is it keeping me awake. Besides, I've got other monsters looming at the door!
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The author can be contacted at: ttodd@pvtnetworks.net |