Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details.A journey to Christmas shopping’s heart of darkness By J. G. Fabiano I couldn’t believe I was conscious. A few hours earlier I had just finished a wonderful meal in the company of wonderful people and now I was sitting in my car surrounded by what appeared to be not so wonderful people waiting for all the big box retail stores to open up. Yes, this was the year my wife and sister talked me into going to "black Friday". This was the day all the stores opened early in the morning in order to start the Christmas Season off with a bang. I remember advertisements in year’s past that had the stores open up at 5 or 6 am. But, this year the hopeful merchandisers did not fool around. Many of them opened up at 1 in the morning trying to get a running start on one of the most popular shopping days of the year. My day started like no other day had ever started before. Lying in bed I had this urge to open my eyes. There they stood; my wife and sister all bundled up and ready to begin their adventure. At first all I wanted to do was pull the covers over my head but this possibility was eliminated when my wife pulled the covers off the bed, told me to get ready because they were ready to save hundreds of dollars by beating the entire world to their favorite stores. Within minutes I found myself in my truck with two women crazed with some sort of genetic disorder that made them shop until they drop on the day after Thanksgiving. Hell, one couldn’t call it a day anymore. It was the night after the turkey was wrapped and placed in the refrigerator only to be picked at for at least a week and a half. No turkey picking for me. I was the driver who would take these two determined women to a place where they can get their fix of shopping. The drive to the mall was almost as wacky as me finding myself in my truck with two women at 12:45 in the morning. The bizarre scene was amplified by the fact we were not alone. It was as if I was driving back to Massachusetts after the Labor Day Holiday. The roads were packed with people jammed in their cars doing what I still couldn’t believe I was doing. Looking into the cars besides mine was like looking into a mirror. There drove the poor hapless schmuck driving the female portion of his family to a store in order to get the jump on the Christmas season. None of these drivers were smiling. They just stared straight ahead hoping the sun would soon rise thus making it possible for them once again go home. One driver looked back at me and we gave each other a kind of salute knowing we were doing what we had to do. It was as though there was only one exit off the highway. Everyone pushed and slid their cars into the side lane and even the breakdown lane in order to get off where the parking lots of the stores were. Looking over the hill as I was exiting I noticed the parking lots looked like a giant magnet for anything metallic. They were overfilled with every kind and make of cars, shopping carts and people to the point I wondered if there would be any room for any of us in the store. I actually advised the inhabitants of my truck that it might be foolish to continue our task. No answer was given to my suggestion and I thought it best to let it die where it did. To my surprise and dismay I found a parking spot directly behind an old close gas station that must have just moved its dumpster. Getting out of the truck was another experience I hope to forget. Since I was catapulted out of my house I did not wear the type of clothing that could withstand zero degree temperatures and high winds. My wife and her sister were similarly dressed but their shopping adrenalin kept them warm. Freezing to death I managed to push my way to the front of the store. To my total shock the store was still closed. Inside I watched people stare out as though they were looking at wild animals at a zoo. They actually looked a bit afraid and after they finally opened the door I understood why they were afraid. Outside people were jammed against the window displays and doors of the store. It was actually a festive atmosphere reminding me of pre-game tailgate parties with people having food and drink in apprehension of the activities that were about to begin. Songs were being sung and I swear I saw someone stand on a box in order to make a political point about something I had no care about. Then something moved inside the store. At first I did not see what it was then using my peripheral vision I noticed a uniformed man unlocking was seemed to be a half a closet. He then grabbed his ring of keys from his belt, grabbed one large silver one, put it in the closet, a bell rang out, and all the doors of the store opened at the same time. I did not have a chance. I was catapulted with the mob of shoppers surrounding me into the store. I lost sight of both my wife and sister wondering if I would ever see them again because the river of people they were in the middle of went to another part of the store. I also had little choice as to which department I would visit. I was dragged along the main aisle of the store hoping I would find a crack in the stream of people in order to fall out of line. Eventually the swarm of people did subside and I was able to leap to freedom only to find myself in the larger ladies sleep ware section of the store. This was a sight I hope I will soon be able to forget. Forcing myself through the crowds that were now dispersed throughout the store I looked for my lost family. I worked my way through piles of multi-colored merchandise, stack of electronics most of which I had no idea as to what they did, stacks of CD’s and DVD’s produced by people I never heard of. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw my wife and her sister. They were pouring through boxes of merchandise I knew they didn’t need but because of the spell they were under had to have them. Pushing my way toward them I wanted to slap them both out of the curse they found themselves controlled by. I told them we had to leave because I was in fear of being either trampled or bored to death. They grabbed the tons of merchandise they had stuffed under their arms and in giant shopping bags given to the patrons of the store in order to buy even more. We pushed our way to the check out lines only to be shocked by the fact the end of the line was no where near the front of the store. Traveling through the line was an experience in itself. The store managers actually displayed merchandise on both sides of the tunnel’s ribboned lines that could take the place of any riot barrier used by any city in the country. This merchandise was placed an arm length away so the shopper could add on to the load of stuff they already had purchased. The checkout people should all be employed by homeland security. They were the most efficient group of professionals I had every observed. They never looked up and as soon as the sale was made final the merchandise found its way into a bag even though I never saw it happen. The drive out of the parking lot and the drive home was an experience in itself. I think my wife and sister were still in the car but with all the colored bags and boxes I was not sure. Then my wife’s head popped up out of a pile of presents and told me to go right in order to get to the other mall. I woke up in a cold sweat. I found all the covers of my bed and my pillow thrown to the corner of my bedroom. My wife was looking down at me wondering if I was OK. I told her yes but I just had what had to be the worse nightmare of my life. For a second I saw compassion in her eyes but then she told me to jump in the shower because we had a lot of shopping to do that day.
The End.
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