Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details.The bald truth about being follicly challenged by J. G. Fabiano There are not a lot of reasons why one should enjoy the frigid temperatures of our winter months. Some say they enjoy this time of year because it is a time for skiing, skating, and other winter activities. Those of us who get cold watching the winter Olympics on television see little benefit in those activities but, there is one thing that makes many of us sessile winter people happy about this time of year. It is a time we can wear hats and not feel we are hiding a part of our anatomy that is lacking. You see, there are many things people are good at. There are also many things people are not so good at. I have been told I am a pretty good teacher and every now and then I come up with a good yarn but, what I am most proud of is my capacity to enjoy my lack of hair or more commonly called baldness. Some seem to think baldness is a problem. For most of my life as I watched more and more of my hair end up in the bottom of my sink I have been inundated with advertisements about how I could once again regain my youth by having hair screwed into my head or have hairpiece stapled into my scalp so no one would ever discover I am follicly challenged. Now that most of my hair has long since given up growing I find the concept of being bald a good thing. For example it is common knowledge that men with no hair are more masculine because the hormone testosterone has taken over their body thus making them more virile. The lack of hair has nothing to do with how sexy a man is and in fact he is assumed to be sexier because of his lack of hair. Of course this hypothesis was initialized by a very bald doctor. Another good reason for being bald is one does not have to worry about buying different sizes of hats. Since there is no hair to push into the hat, one size fits all, all of the time. The nicest part about our generation is it is now fashionable to wear hats. No one assumes one is bald if he wears a hat because everyone in our nation now wears some kind of cap. Some depict a favorite team, a favorite logo, or simply a stylish fashion. To wear a hat is now in style if one has hair or if one does not. One can also save money at a barber shop. If one is really bald all he has to do is buy a good razor and the concept of keeping well groomed simply entails a flick of the wrist with a razor. If the bald man still has some fur on the side of his head all he has to do is ask his wife or girlfriend to trim the sides because there is little anyone can do to ruin hair on the side of one’s head. In other words, being bald can save you a bunch of money but really it is easier to groom oneself when one is bald. A basic problem of getting all the hair out of one’s ears is much easier when there is little other hair to worry about. How many times does one try to trim the hair growing out of the ear when one makes the mistake of cutting off a good chunk of hair that was once attached to the side of his head? As to why hair leaves the head and ends up in one’s ears and nose is one of those mysteries of life that will never be solved. Showing off the shape and size of your head is another great reason to be happy you acquired the baldness gene from your parents. If you have a perfectly rounded head it is great to be bald. There is nothing nicer then a perfectly shaped bald head. At least that is what people who have perfectly rounded bald heads say. If your head has a few lumps and crevices in it there is no problem. You can make up a story saying how you saved a damsel from distress and accidentally bumped your head on the dragon’s toe or stopped a bullet from doing its harm. If you are fortunate enough to have a big head all you have to do is say you needed a big melon in order to hold the extra amount of brains God gave you to use. Of course this doesn’t say well for the person with a little head. Being bald has always been synonymous with being tough. Every character in every movie I have ever seen represents a bald man as being street tough, powerful, and even sometimes a little sensitivity. The sensitivity is there to get the girl. From Kojak, Lex Luther, to Daddy Warbucks, these characters wouldn’t be what they were meant to be without being bald. The poster boy for baldness is Sean Connery. There are few women who don’t think he is sexy and there are few men who aren’t jealous of his looks except of course for the bald man. Bald men are also smart men. If you imagine what a college professor would be I am confident they will have little hair on their head. Also every time Hollywood almost destroys the World because of a brilliant yet insane scientist who because he can’t conquer the world he in intent on destroying it the producers make the scientist bald. I am not sure if Hollywood is saying all bald men are brilliant or insane but either one has a nice tone to it. Think of all the money bald men save on hair supplies. They no longer have to worry about hair gel, shampoo, conditioner, or even hair coloring supplies. When one loses his hair one does not have to worry if there is too much gray in their hair. The only supply a bald man needs is some wax or every now and then a good moisturizer just in case the skin on the top of his head starts to flake. If one sports a moustache or beard it is a good thing being bald. If one has a full head of hair the moustache or beard has a tendency to get lost but, if a bald man has facial hair it is easily seen in contrast to the nudeness on the top of his head. Baldness has a tendency to make one look older. This does not sound like a good thing but if you think about it the image of being old is analogous to being worldly and smart. I know this because as a veteran teacher it is obvious new teachers have a difficult time with their students because of their youth. The students do not respect the young fully haired teacher because they can’t be too smart because they have all their hair. An older hairless teacher has the upper hand because no student in their right mind would give a bald teacher difficulty. They must realize there is a reason their teacher is bald and it must have something to do with past students and or administrations. There are so many positives to being bald. In fact, I can only think of one thing I would like better – which would be to have hair on my head again!
The End.
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