Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details.When it comes to meeting people, keep your hands to yourself by J. G. Fabiano It used to be so easy! When you were with a group of people you didn't know and had to be introduced, all you had to do was reach out your hand, shake and the introduction was complete. The only part of this custom you had to think about was how firm your handshake should be. Too firm and you might cripple the person you just met. Not firm enough and your masculinity was suspect. The biggest challenge for a man is how hard to shake a woman's hand. Being brought up in a traditional family I was taught to be gentle with women. In other words don't shake a woman's hand to the point where you might inflict pain. This idea has been challenged by modern society because if you don't give a woman the same, firm handshake you would give a man it could be taken to mean that you thought she was not an equal. Once I remember shaking a woman's hand only to have mine crushed and left with little feeling in my fingers for the next few days. So much for the gentler sex! The other day I discovered that even this had all changed. I was with a circle of colleagues and had to be introduced to a male teacher from another school. I reached out my hand as I had done for the last 50 years of my life only to have it slapped away. At first I thought he was mad at me for something I couldn't remember and didn't want to have anything to do with me. As my hand and face reddened the man said: "Pleasure to meet you man." The first thought that came into my mind was that it was not much of a pleasure to meet him. The experience brought back memories of other occasions when people inflicted new and innovative greetings on me. The classic was a few years ago when I was at a party and was forced to meet people who were much younger than myself. My daughter brought me over to a group of her friends and, after she introduced me, I reached out my hand only to have it wiped instead of gripped. All I could do was smile and slyly look down at my hand hoping the person doing the wiping hadn’t left some sort of goop there. I remember washing my hands multiple times during the rest of the evening. I guess this new system of hand salutations began decades ago. I remember when I was in college I was forced to get away from the more traditional handshakes in order to be considered `hip' by my peers. Back in those days you never extended your hand in the traditional manner but, instead, raised it high in the air and waited for the other person to give you a "high five." This carried obvious dangers for someone like me because the notion of being considered `hip' was quickly erased whenever you missed the other person's hand, which, in my case, was often. This eventually led to a handshake so complicated I was never able to figure it out. I remember watching many of my friends meet new people by making a fist then bouncing their fists first on top and then on the bottom. Then they would grasp each other's fingers as though they were trying to rip them off and, finally, break the grasp completely and throw their hands as hard as they could over each other's shoulders. All of this would be accompanied by plenty of smiles and loud expressions of how great it was to meet each other. This was also a time when many white people were experimenting with Afro haircuts, one of the great fashion mistakes of all time. During this time of my life I would stay as far away from the center of activity as I could and simply wave from a distance and call hello. Many of my friends told me this was lame but I answered that if they ever wanted to see lame just watch me attempt to copy that mode of introduction. This only lasted a few years and other styles of handshake came into being. One I actually could handle was not having any hands meet at all. All you did was get near the person you were meeting and then bend your arm and tap each other's elbows. Logistically this was much easier but, if you ever missed or hit the funny bone, you would understand why this style of greeting didn't last long. I think the most dramatic change happened when people no longer shook hands at all and the hug became popular. At first it was never really a hug but rather a quick tap on the back, as if they were trying to burp each other. This was not at all bad when you met a person of the opposite sex but I never got used to being hugged by another man. Especially if this man who used to have a very firm handshake in the days when handshakes were popular. His firm handshake had usually evolved into a bear hug I never appreciated since the `hugger' was usually overweight and had the scent of an old Budweiser keg. I am happy to say this style of greeting did not last long and it did bring back the notion of simply shaking hands. But, it seemed the handshake was not enough because, right after you shook the other person's hand, they would drive their chest into yours and slap you on the back. The first time this happened to me I lost my balance and fell into the buffet table and took it all the way down to the floor, which was not appreciated by the other partygoers. I also learned this style of salutation should not be attempted with women. I watched a male individual use this greeting on a woman once only to have the woman's partner tell this individual never to do it again.It used to be so easy. All you had to do was reach out your hand and the person you were being introduced to would grasp it, shake it, and the introduction would be complete. Today I find myself staying away from all occasions that could lead to meeting other people. The stress is simply too hard to handle! THE END
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