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Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details. Adam and Eve continued Eeeef giggled and placed her hand on Adam's knee. Adam grinned. He raised a handful of leaves that he had soaked in the fermented juice and squeezed the drops into Eeeef's open mouth. Eeeef giggled again. "Hey, Ad --- um! Go and --- and --- fetch me some more of this --- this --- what's it called again?" Adam got up on two very unsteady feet and, with one eye, closed he studied Eeeef and winked. "Dunno. Sheeing ash it wash mainly --- mainly grey --- ps, hows about --- hows about --- beer?" Eeef pulled a face. "Beer?" "Yup! On account of the --- the ---- beesh --- beesh I mean. There were washpsh too but --- nope beer." Eeeef burped. She raised a hand in the air and waved it about. "Don't like that name. Think of shum --- shum --- thing elsh." Adam flopped down to the ground and looked thoughtful. "Hurry up!" scolded Eeeef. "Think of shum --- shum --- a name. And weren't you going for shum more what-ever-your-going-to-call-it?" Adam felt slightly morose. "Whine, whine, whine!" "Shuddup, and fetch me more whine then." More whine was produced and drunk, until finally they both staggered off to bed together, in an alcoholic stupor. It was sometime during the night that Adam half-awoke and found himself pressed tightly against Eeeef. Eeef, groaned in her sleep and wrapped her arms around him. Adam slipped in and out --- of consciousness. Dimly, he was aware of strange and new, but very welcome, sensations flooding through his body. It felt soooo good. From far away he could hear Eeeef groaning and moaning and he felt sorry for her. Obviously, she had stuffed herself with too many bananas again! The night wore on and Adam wore himself out. *** "You... You... You..." Adam opened one bloodshot eye. "Huh? Wassup?" Eeeef raced to the corner of the room, grabbed the branch used for cobweb clearing and proceeded to thrash Adam around the head with it. Adam dived to the floor. "What?" he asked, protecting his head with his arms. "What's the matter?" "You! You! Dash, I don't know any swear words! You stinking monkey you!" Adam peered out from beneath one arm. "What have I done?" "What have you done? You gave me that whine stuff on purpose didn't you? And in the night you --- you --- graped me!" Adam frowned. "Did I?" "Yes you beast! You did things to me. You prodded and poked and did --- whatever you did --- you did it!" Adam couldn't help it - he grinned at the hazy memory. "Why are you grinning?" asked Eeeef, raising the branch ready for another blow. "Because it was nice?" said Adam. "Well, yes it was nice. I know that." Adam's jaw fell. "You what? You said it was nice?" "Of course it was!" "So why are you so mad? Why are you beating me?" Eeeef lowered the branch. "Cos I thought it was a dream. You might have woken me up you selfish pig!" Adam, beginning to realize that females were not very easy to understand, got to his feet, warily. "Am I forgiven then?" he asked. Eeeef dropped the branch. "I suppose so." "Well now that we are both fully awake, shall we go back to bed?" Adam suggested. Eeeef frowned. "Back to bed? What for?" Adam leered. "To do it all again?" "Wow!" cried Eeeef. "I'm impressed. You mean can still manage it?" Thus it was that very morn that the begatting of the human race was begot and the Lord did peek through a chariot of clouds and saw that all was good in his garden. *** The weeks passed, and Adam lost a lot of weight. More weeks passed, and Adam began to tire. And wane. And grow bored. "What's the matter Adam?" asked Eeeef one night. "Don't you fancy me any more?" Adam was learning. "Of course my little turtle dove. It's just that --- " "Just what?" asked Eeeef. "Oh, you know. It's always the same place, the same time, the same routine. I think we need --- I don't know --- something different!" "Well, you suggest something then," replied Eeeef. "Actually --- " began Adam. "There is something I'd like you to try." "What's that?" asked Eeeef sweetly. "Would you --- would you --- dress-up for me?" "Dress-up for you? What is that?" "I'm not really sure", frowned Adam, "but seeing you naked, day in, day out, well -- " Eeeef pouted. "Well Adam, I'd really like to do as you ask, but I'm afraid I am not very knowledgeable in these matters. I wouldn't know where to start." Adam was clearly disappointed. "Okay. I understand." Thus the art of begatting became a rare event. Adam, brooded constantly, he so much desired to see Eeeef adorned in --- whatever she could adorn herself with, that it played on his mind. He just could not escape his fantasies. Eeeef, seeing how Adam was tormented by his obsession, decided that, as a woman, it was time to practise her womanly wiles. *** It happened on a Saturday night, after a heavy bout of whining and dining, Adam, sprawled out on the living-room bedrock, was whistling a tune, that he had made up earlier, whilst waving an arm in the air as he conducted himself. Eeeef, smelling seductively of essence of moonflowers, sashayed sensually across the room and sat down beside Adam. "I've a surprise for you later, Adam," she whispered in his ear. Adam shivered. "And I've one for you", he replied. Eeeef glanced down. "Not yet you haven't, but you soon will." "Oh, yeah?" leered Adam. "So what you going to do?" "Just wait and see", grinned Eeeef. Several more whines later and Eeeef announced that is was time. She left the room to fetch her surprise. As soon as he was alone, Adam unearthed his surprise from his hiding place. Soon they sat side-by-side, each hiding their surprise behind their backs. Eeeef giggled. "You show me yours first, then I'll show you mine." With a grin, Adam produced a large leaf with portions of a strange fruit laid out in segments. Eeeef laughed and produced a similar leaf but with a different fruit. "Seems we both had the same idea," said Adam. "Here try a piece of mine first." "No," said Eeeef. "Mine first." After several minutes of argument, they both held a piece of fruit in their hands and popped it into each other's mouths. As they both chewed, they gazed into each other's eyes. Adam saw the truth, he had been such a fool, while Eeeef suddenly knew that the time had come. Adam leaned forwards and kissed Eeeef tenderly. "Wear something for me?" he whispered. "Go and put this fig leaf around you. It would please me greatly." Eeef took the proffered leaf, and with a parting smile, she left the room. Just as Eeeef was about to re-enter the room, resplendent in a fig leaf, a beam of light, brighter than the sun, exploded within the cave. "What is this I see?" boomed the Lord of All. Adam and Eeef both hit the deck at the same time. "Who has eaten from the tree that I forbade to be eaten from, thereof?" Adam trembled and shook. Eeeef cowered and tried to sneak away. "Keep still!" The Almighty roared. The trembling couple stopped shaking and froze; petrified. "Now then! Who is responsible for nicking my fruit?" Adam cried out. "It wasn't me Lord!" Eeeef raised her head slightly. "Well, don't look at me!" "I'm looking at both of you actually, and one of you is guilty. So come on, time for confession, own up!" Silence. "Why are you wearing a fig leaf, Eeef?" boomed the Light. Eeeef resumed her trembling. "Well I --- I was --- naked, and Adam, he --- " "So it was you then? You ate from the forbidden tree and found that you were naked." "I already knew that I was naked, thank you very much," replied Eeeef a tad testily. "I didn't need any help to work that one out." "Silence!" roared the God of All. Silence He got. "Now then! I am very mightily upset, all those fruit trees you had, the pick of the crop, just one tree I tell you to leave alone, but did you listen? No! Oh, there will be some punishment handed out today. Believe me, there will!" Eeeef suddenly felt afraid. Just then, a snake, minding it's own business, staggered into the cave. He was on his way home after quite a heavy session at the whine rock, and although he was so far gone that he didn't realize he was in the wrong cave, he was still polite enough to wipe his feet on the matted monkey-fur rug in the entranceway. Eeeef saw an opportunity. "It was his fault!" she cried. "That snake there, he said to me that you said I was allowed to help myself." The snake flicked out its tongue and tasted the air. A beam of narrow light pinned the snake to the wall. "Is this correct?" boomed the voice from within the light. The snake emitted a strangled cry. "Yup. I cannot tell a lie. It was me, all my fault. I bear full responsibility." The beam of light released the snake, whose legs promptly parted from its body and with a startled cry it fell forwards onto its belly. "How does that feel?" boomed the voice. The snake, absolutely legless, made no comment, save for a faint snore. "Woman!" yelled the Lord. "From this day forth you shall be cursed, and all men will suffer along with you, as you shall give him much earache and grief." The light went out. Adam heaved a huge sigh of relief. All those hours he spent alone before Eeeef arrived; practising how to throw his voice so that he would have someone else to talk to, sure paid off. He was puzzled though, as to how he got away with it; didn't the Lord know that snakes don't talk? Oh, well! One of life's little mysteries. Then Eeeef leaped right in on Adam and began her reign of grief. "You bastard!" she spat. "Huh?" cried an amazed Adam. "Where'd you learn words like that?" "Well you should effing know! You fed me that fruit from the forbidden tree didn't you!" Adam looked down guiltily. "I don't know Adam. Why? Why did you do it?" "Because I wanted you to be knowledgeable. To learn the ways of woman, and do womanly things for me." "Well don't think your getting my surprise gift after this!" Adam frowned. "Gift? I thought that fruit was your gift?" "That was just for starters. I've spent hours and hours making myself silk stockings, with a matching garter and --- and a tight basque thingy, all red and slinky." Adam's eyes almost exploded from his head. "What? You did? Go and put them on right now!" Eeeef grinned evilly. "Never! From now on you'll have to beg me over and over for it. If that's what the Lord has ordained, so be it. And don't think your going to have it easy. I'm going to go out and invent me a rolling pin and another thing --- THE START.
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