|
Copyrights reserved by the author. If you are in doubt, please click on 'Copyrights' and read the details. Adam and Eve by Colin Williams
Adam woke up, scratched his backside, and stared out over the Garden of Eden. "Another boring day," he groaned. "Another day wandering about paradise, eating fruit, staring at beautiful flowers, being good. Oh, it's so boring! Surely there's meant to be more to life than this? And is it normal to talk to oneself? Having nobody to ask, I can't tell." Adam stared up at the cloudless, azure sky, and sighed. A flock of brightly-coloured birds swooped and dived overhead, catching Adam's attention. The birds circled lazily around before alighting on the branch of a tree. Adam was about to leave, to pick his breakfast from the fruit trees, when a thought crossed his mind. He studied the birds; the two largest birds sat side-by-side, and on a lower branch sat several much younger birds. Adam frowned in puzzlement. "Where did those younger birds come from and, wherever they came from, how did they get here? I wonder if God creates the new birds and sneaks them in here, under the cover of darkness. I'll have to ask him when he next turns up." With a dismissive shrug, Adam turned his back on the birds and set off for the banana tree, his favourite. Sitting with his back to the trunk of the tree, Adam unpeeled his seventh banana and stared out over the orchard. The peaceful setting was suddenly disrupted when two monkeys raced into the orchard, chattering and screaming. Adam ceased chewing as he watched the larger of the two monkeys chase the smaller one. Screeching loudly, they raced up and down the trees, in and out, around and around, until finally, the larger monkey caught the smaller one and grabbed hold of it tightly. Mesmerised, Adam watched the larger animal as it climbed onto the back of its mate. Frowning, Adam dropped his banana and got to his feet. Treading carefully, he moved closer to the two animals. 'What are they doing?' Adam wondered. 'Whatever it is, it looks like fun and they certainly seem to be enjoying it, whatever 'it' is. Creeping closer, Adam hid behind a tree and peered out at the two animals. As he watched the strange behaviour of the two monkeys, he felt a strange sensation in the pit of his stomach. With a glazed look in his eyes, his hand moved down to his belly. He'd experienced this sensation once before and he cast his mind back. Nodding to himself at the recalled memory, he turned away in search of some large leaves. He would need them; the pain in his stomach, the returned memory, too many bananas for breakfast! For the fourth time, Adam came out from the bushes rubbing his painful stomach with a loud groan. Then he spotted a pair of horses doing exactly the same thing that the primates had been doing earlier, only more quietly. For the rest of the day, Adam walked around in a befuddled daze. Everywhere he looked, he saw animals locked together, doing the same crazy dance. He felt left out. Why were they all having fun and enjoying whatever it was they were doing, and he wasn't? Sitting outside his cave, watching the sun slowly disappear behind the treetops, Adam couldn't keep the day's events from his mind. Why, he wondered; why couldn't he have a monkey to keep him company? He shook his head. No, not a monkey! What? Definitely not one of those lumbering elephant creatures, but something. Something that he could writhe around on the floor with, something that would scream and chatter in his ear. The more he thought of such an idea, the more agitated he became. He knew that sleep would not come easily that night! *** It was the middle of the night, and Adam was still pacing up and down outside his cave. Suddenly, a bright shaft of light shone down on him, and a voice thundered out his name. "Adam! I see you have a troubled mind." Adam covered his eyes and looked down at the ground. "Lord? Is that you?" "Who were you expecting?" thundered God. Adam fell to the ground, prostrate. "Tell me what troubles your thoughts, Adam." "Well Lord, I ---" "You what?" urged the One from on High. "I'm --- I saw two monkeys today and ---" "Oh! Is that all? Well don't let it bother you. I expect you'll see more of them before your time is through." "Yes, Lord, but --- " The light went out and darkness reigned once more. Adam peeked out from under his arm. He struggled to his feet and stared up at the starry sky. "Oi!" yelled Adam. "I hadn't finished what I was say ---" The light reappeared and Adam resumed his flat-out-on-the-ground position. "Sorry about that Adam. I'm a little distracted today. Wondering where to go next with this creation of mine. I think I'm suffering a bit of Creator's block. Never mind, I guess I'll think of something sooner or later." Adam moved to a kneeling position but kept his eyes averted from the light's presence. "Lord? I am sorely troubled and confused." There was a moment's silence. "Why Adam? What have you got to worry about? Just eat, drink, sleep, and be good. That's all you have to do." "Yes, Lord. Er, I'm very grateful and all that --- but --- " "But?" thundered the Almighty. "You dare to 'but'?" Adam trembled. "No Lord. I daren't!." "That's all right then." Adam took a deep breath. "Well, actually I do --- " The world shook with a supernatural sigh. "What is it, Adam?" "As I was saying Lord, I saw two monkeys today and they were --- well, to be honest I --- " "You'd better be honest with me Adam. I would be mightily dis-pleased if you weren't" "Yes, of course", grovelled Adam. "Anyway, those animals were doing something and I --- " "I wondered when we'd get around to this", sighed the Lord. "Human nature I guess." "All I want," said Adam, is --- I don't know what exactly, but I feel I need someone! Someone, to do unto them what those animals do unto one another." "Mmm," responded the Light. "You know that you might regret your decision later on, don't you?" Adam shook his head. "No I won't! I'm sure I won't." "Perhaps," replied the Almighty, "perhaps it is time I continued with the plans. All right Adam. Go to sleep and when you awake you will no longer be alone." Adam leaped to his feet and wrung his hands. "Oh, thank you Lord! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" "Enough grovelling Adam! Now go and sleep." "I'm going, Lord. Right now." "Oh! Before you go Adam, when you awake and find your new companion, she shall be known, henceforth, as Woman and she will be a pain in your side --- sorry! I'll rephrase that: you will awake with a pain in your side. Oh, bother! Just isn't my day, is it? Just remember that the pain you will have in your side is the price you must pay for the creation of Woman. Right then, I'm off. Oh! One more thing; remember to tell her that the Tree of Knowledge is a no-go area! Okay?" "Yes, Lord, I will. Oh, I can't wait --- " Adam thought that he would never get to sleep. He tossed and turned on his bed of stone, until he finally wore himself out and fell into a fitful doze. *** Adam awoke with a start. "Come on you lazy so and so! Get up!" Sitting up, Adam frowned and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. "What's --- what's that horrible noise?" "It's me! Now shift yourself. Have you seen the state of this place? Doesn't look like its ever been cleaned. And where's my breakfast? Eh? Eh?" Adam opened his eyes and stared at the naked female who stood in the centre of the cave with her hands planted on her hips. "Just look at the cobwebs up there!" she cried, staring upwards. "Wow! Look at the size of those!" exclaimed Adam, admiring his mate's body. "Well don't just sit there gawking at them," snapped the female. "Go and fetch me something to brush them with!" Adam scratched his head. "Huh?" "Those damned cobwebs!" "Oh, right --- cobwebs. Yes, I'll --- " Without taking his eyes from her body, Adam walked backwards out of the cave. Outside, in the garden, he whooped aloud and punched the air. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" he yelled. Sometime later, Adam returned. His arms were laden with fruit of every kind. Walking into the cave, he carefully laid down his burden and rushed back outside. A moment later he returned with a broken-off branch from an orange tree. He held the branch out to his female. "What's that?" The woman whined. "Well it's --- " Adam smiled broadly. "It's for you." The woman sneered. "What? You think you can win me over with that? I want flowers. And in a bunch! You hear me? Eh?" Adam frowned. "I thought --- " He glanced up at the cobwebs. "I thought you wanted to --- " The woman stabbed a finger at the cave's entrance. "Go on! Go and fetch me flowers. Now!" Muttering loudly, Adam went back out to search for flowers. *** The flowers that he offered the woman were not satisfactory; he'd picked all yellow ones and she wanted pink. Much later, scratched and torn from many thorns, the roses he offered were finally accepted. "Find me something sweet", she ordered. Adam, covered with bee-stings, returned triumphantly holding aloft a dripping comb of honey. "Don't drip that all over my freshly-cleaned floor!" was the grateful response. "And, if you think I'm sleeping on that hard rock over there, you've got another think coming! Find me something soft, to stuff some rolled up leaves into. And don't forget the leaves either!" With a sigh, Adam stared longingly at his woman's nakedness before he set off once again. Several hours later, Adam staggered back into the cave carrying a bundle of monkey's fur that he had fought so valiantly for. "Put it down over there," ordered the woman. "Now then, where's the water in this place?" Adam's shoulders drooped. "Water?" "Yes, water! I want a bath. Fetch me some water." "What's a bath?" asked Adam. "See that hollowed-out rock over there? Well I've decided that it will be a bath. No go! Fetch me water!" Adam was losing his patience. Normally he was a placid and patient man, who never lost his cool and never swore; until now! With his eyes scanning her naked form, he shook his head. "Eeee, f--- " He caught himself just in time from uttering a profanity. He took a deep breath and turned around. "Call that enough for a bath? Get out there and fetch some more!" "But I've only got this half of a coconut shell to carry it in, and the water's miles away down that --- ". "Now!" "Eeee, f---" When Adam finally crawled into the cave with the last shell full of water. The woman slipped into the bath and closed her eyes with a long drawn out sigh." Adam, kneeling beside the bath, leered longingly at the tantalising body so brazenly displayed before him. "Whatchya staring at?" cried the woman. "You look so lovely", crooned Adam with glazed eyes. The woman smiled. "Yes, I guess I do, don't I?" Adam, his tongue dried-up, nodded his agreement. "Oh, and by the way, I like the name you've given me." Shuffling closer to the bath, Adam swallowed nervously. "Name? What name?" "Eeeef. It does have a certain ring to it I must say." Totally baffled, Adam simply smiled. "As long as you are happy my sweet honeycomb, then I am too." While Eeeef bathed, Adam drooled. When Eeeef dried herself on the leaves, Adam's knees turned to jelly. With glowing skin, Eeeef stood in the centre of the cave and asked Adam to comb her hair with his fingers. Adam willingly obeyed and with fingers trembling and shaking, he ran them through her long blonde hair. "Why are you so nervous?" asked Eeeef. |
