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The classic comparison of Ocean and Lake People by J. G. Fabiano
I was sitting at my usual spot on Long Sands Beach when I noticed a family of people walk in front of me. They looked incredibly uncomfortable, in fact, it was obvious that they were not where they wanted to be. My brother-in-law also observed this but he had a quick explanation. He told me that they were obviously lake people. My mind immediately started to think about the concept of the differences between lake and ocean people. They were still members of the same species but they obviously evolved differently, because of their dissimilar environments. First of all, the color of lake people is not the same as ocean people. They are never as dark and the color of their tan is grayer in shade, versus the golden brown of the people of the ocean. I have been told that they try to acquire the tan of coastal people, but the sun of the lakes is simply not the same as the sun of our coastal beaches. Plus the lakes have all those trees that get in the way of the sun. All the ocean has are those pesky umbrellas that the lake people put up to protect their graying skin. Lake people are often mistaken for the August whites, of the latter part of the summer season. Lake people are also not used to the winds of our coastal beaches. In their own environment, they are seen scattered throughout the mud-like sand of their beaches with picnic-style blankets, protecting them from the many insects and animals that live in their mud. They usually bring many-course meals, stored in huge brightly colored chests with different flavor drinks scattered throughout their area. Sandwiches are big with lake people. They are always tightly-wrapped in plastic in order to keep them away from the various biting insects and animals that are found on their shore. Their beach chairs are immense, in that they have cushioned attachments that rest both their heads and feet. Some of their chairs even have cup-holders and an attachable tray, so that they can lie in a prone manner as they eat their meals. Ocean people rarely bring food to the beach. In fact, they bring very little. Most bring a short aluminum beach-chair that sometimes has a pouch on the back, for the necessities of the beach that include a book and some money. Blankets and anything that can go air-borne are never taken to the beach. Ocean people realize that their white sands also contain different forms of life, but these are rarely seen. Food and drink can be found at the many stores that line the beach and plastic wrappers are rarely seen, because the smelling of fried foods is almost as good as eating it. People of the lake have a tendency to swim a lot. They can spend hours floating in water that actually is considered warm. Some bring lake toys like snorkels, fins, and inflatable rafts. They are scattered all over their lake, bobbing up and down, enjoying the many water bugs, as they swim with their mouths open. When the lake people leave the water, they usually go back to their "Cadillac" chairs and open up another ham and cheese sandwich. Ocean people rarely swim in their waters. First of all, they have to spend at least 20 minutes having their bodies get used to the temperature of the water. Anyone over the age of 40 realizes that a quick jump in the ocean could mean a quick trip to the emergency ward! Once their bodies are numb enough to stay in the water, they have to fight their way to where the waves aren't breaking. This means one has to survive being beaten-up where the waves are breaking. Once they get out there, ocean people swim for approximately two minutes. They are usually too tired to spend too much time fighting the perpetual flow of waves. They also realize they have to fight their way back, through the part of the ocean where the waves are breaking, in order to return to their part of the beach. Ocean people also have different types of toys. They bring ocean boards to ride the waves, and slide boards to skim where the ocean meets the sand. Ocean people would never bring an inflatable raft, because most have heard news reports about the lake person who was found, miles out in the open sea, being nibbled on by sharks. Ocean people rarely bring masks and snorkels to the beach, because they don't care to know what is below the surface of the water, and a snorkel has little use when it is being filled by the waves of the sea. Ocean people also have toys they play with on the beach. Footballs with sirens, Frisbees that can cut through steel, and bocce' sets are a few of these beach toys. Lake people can't enjoy these because they have very little beach to play in. When they leave the water they are seen playing cards, or Monopoly, on their lake blankets. Lake people also have a boat fetish. Most have some sort of an outboard-motored boat that takes them to the middle of the lake. They are usually avid fishermen, even though I heard that most lakes are inhabited by fish that one shouldn't eat, at least if they want to have more children. Many lake people also water ski. They are seen being dragged behind their boats, going up and down the lake, in order to be seen by friends and neighbors. I once observed a party boat that was moored a few feet from shore. The people in the boat were eating and drinking in large chairs, as their children were playing Monopoly on the floor. I could never figure out the necessity of the boat! Boats are only seen in the horizon at the ocean. If they came in too close, they would probably be destroyed by the forever-breaking waves. Few have outboard motors because the ocean would chew them up, and spit them to the bottom of the sea. Fishing is done out of sight of land, with the catch's weight being greater than its number. Very few people ski in the ocean. Knees, legs, and ankles are something one may need when they grow older in life and party boats are not necessary because the beaches are usually considered one big party. Lake people have a tendency to be a bit discreet in their beachwear. They wear bathing suits that most of us would wear to the mall. Most are usually one-piece, with the man's suit covering most of his legs down to his knees. Ocean people simply don't believe in clothes. This is a good thing when one has something that other people want to see. This is a bad thing when a lake person wants to mimic the bathing attire of an ocean person. You see, lake people are usually a bit larger than ocean people. I think it has something to do with their food-covered blankets and party boats. The comparison of ocean people to lake people is an enjoyable topic, when one sits at the ocean, waiting for the summer to end. I would assume that many lake people do the same, when they compare their winter wonderland to the boredom of winter life by the sea. The End
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